still wary

Pam Carriker class/my stuff. First thought...you could do better. I am documenting when I am just mean....to myself. I don't like meanness. Even when it's directed towards me.
Acrylic, colored pencil on watercolor journal. Titan buff skin tone base, payne's grey, burnt umber and raw sienna and sepia water color crayon for shadows. Penciled the eyes--still struggle with the eyes with paint. The irises in particular are tough. Pencil lets me get in there and play with light, and I love an eye with green in it. I need to do this with paint-- want to transfer journal to canvas.....occasionally....Canvas means sale, sale means to create what mass market want, what mass market wants is not necessarily what I want to create.

Still smarting over some issues....jeez, can you tell?

seminal moment

No art work--just angst. Today for one of few times in my life, I stood up to a person in power, made my anger and feelings known, and didn't hold back. I can count the times I've done this in my life literally on one hand.

In October I will be fifty.

It's been a long time and a lot of years of taking crap and walking away. I was nervous, but I did it.
And guess what, the bully backed down. Every time she came at me. I swung( not literally) right back. And she finally shut up.

Now, I may have sabotaged my career, but I no longer live in fear. I have proven myself as someone to be reckoned with.....finally. It's been a long time coming, but I did it. And I can do it again.
Don't get me wrong--I hate fighting with people. I like quiet, nice play. I'm ok, you're ok atmosphere. But perhaps for the second half of my life, I can start worrying less about what people think of me, and more about what I think of them.

If I can do this, after being raised by two domineering, opinionated parents, and siblings, anyone can. And maybe in my art, I can start having a little more fun, and stop worrying about if my work is "right".

Anger

very angry and frustrated today, and both my girls reflect it. Not really finished need to work up some better text.

Annie

cropped this one, I like tight angles. No text. Caran de arche maybe a little too much. I'm starting to get interested in Degas' dancers. I love the dramatic shadows he used with his dancers-- cool and dark.

Pull inward, up and out

got knocked down at work, again. working on finding a way, my way. I will follow my art and see where it takes me. Family and this is what's keeping me together right now.

all that you dream....really

This started as an absolute mess. Sketched, then went in heavy with caran de arch II water soluble crayons. Kept having to neutralize skin tone, warm it up(reds) then add touches of cool color blues. I don't think I'd start so harsh next time, but overall effect was good. I like it, but it was a process.

Puzzlement over life's ups and downs...."just what is true? What else can you do? Keep your eyes on the road that's ahead of you...." I guess don't dwell. Dwelling on things keeps you down, even when you've "been down, but not like this before, can't be 'round this kind of show no more..."

Move forward with your life.

Dream it....Live it

re-work, but lots of fun. loved working with this angle and just layering and playing with the paint. Gave it a dreamy quality.

Begin again

"...so we cheated and we lied and we tested,

and we never failed to fail,

it was the easiest thing to do.

You will survive being

bested..."

-CSNY

Moving on, moving forward.

Liking the watercolors in the journal...the portraits have a more ethereal quality. Love these lyrics, words to live by. I like the white pen, am freer with writing when it's not so bold.

journal entries watercolor mixed media

I strayed from watercolor but have come back.
Love the ethereal quality of my girls, watercolor has such great mood.
Guess what? Done with school. Will paint, work and read.

Bring it:)!!!!

new journal entries angling faces

It makes me happy, back to the faces and journal.

Honor what you know to be true

Struggled with this one. I made the background too dark initially and it overpowered the 10x10 canvas. Ended up going over it with watered down white gesso. Then I used cerulean went up and down the value/tint scale worked it monochromatically and stamped into it.

I'm happy with it now. I have to laugh-- wrote a serious blog about myself and posted it on the wrong blog. To make matters worse it was about artistic intellect and sensibility and my personal experience. I have to laugh--I just have to....:)

Keep Looking

I shouldn't say this but she is all wrong, but I like her anyway. This is a little canvas--only 5x7 but I wanted to pull in the face really tight. I've been doing a ton of journal work but no canvas work. I have serious winter funk and getting myself beyond the journal and sketchbook seems to take enormous energy.
Creativity ebbs and flows, and mine seems to have frozen some. But I've been reading on my kindle which is such fun. My latest book is "The Help" which is wonderful. Lot of recommendations, but I get leery of books that are widely read and receive great critical acclaim. I tend to be disappointed. But The Help is right up there with Water for Elephants. Worth every bit of praise it gets.

In Between the Grays

In our grayest, most difficult times our love and our passion and our charity get us through.

Hearts are sentimental, and some may find them trite; but I love them. The symbol of the heart grounds me. It reminds me everyday of how important love is, and how meaningless my life would be without it.

WIP

Working in the shades of gray still. Normally I'm such a color girl, but I'm really enjoying this. My neck hurts from leaning over my journal so much!!

Into the Blues

I always come back to my journal. Took an on line "shades of gray"
course with Pam Carriker--I would highly recommend. The journal, the journal, the journal...it just rocks!!

Warmer Dayz

Oh, to be somewhere warm and breezy....

Being Creative....

It just comes naturally, right? No. You are, or you aren't. I don't think so. I'm just not artistic, yet how many times have you seen someone be so creative in their lives, but they don't recognize it as creativity?

The only truisms that I subscribe to is that everyone is creative, because it's part of being human. It simply manifests itself in different ways. Being tactful, for example, requires a huge amount of creativity, but people who are tactful and yes, kind, are not recognized as artistic. Maybe they need to start wearing black berets and drinking copious amounts of coffee or wine. Or adopt a holy than thou attitude?

I'm a teacher, the other day I had to tie a fourth grader's shoe discreetly in a cafeteria full of his peers. This had to be done quickly and covertly so as not to embarrass the child. How many times have you done this type of thing in your life, and then come home from work and berated yourself because you didn't finish a painting? Recognize your creative energies in everyday life, and give yourself a pat on the back!

Waiting

Okay, I am happy with this one. I kind of went back to the beginning. Colored pencil on paper, glued to wood, then clear gesso, went back over the eyes again with colored pencil, then found my caran de arche water soluble crayons (yay!!!!) used them, and finally used acrylic for the background. I think the clear gesso gives the second round of colored pencil some tooth, and the water crayons really work better with shading. I will probably collage a little and then seal. Oh and almost forgot...little lighter on the lips--looks more natural.

And another Kandinsky inspired journal entry. I don't know what it is about this time of year but I do lean towards the abstract in the winter months. Don't understand why--maybe all this time inside creates introspection--liked pulling out the watercolors, though!!

Find Joy

Finding joy in January in New England, when it's 18 degrees in the sun and you have one day left of vacation, and you have just discovered that you have gained six pounds in the last two months, and you look at all your last posts and you realize they are all complain, complain, complain.

New page, new page....appreciation. Winter in New England, January in New England, in tough for everyone.
This page was fun, just play and freer. Pull out the watercolors and oil pastels and played like my students.