still....trying....

that's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Trying to keep up with you, and I don't know if I can do it.

Oh no, I've said too much, I haven't said enough.--REM

What can I say they speak to me....especially lately....I cannot verbalize the feeling of estrangement from life as I knew it sometimes. I feel that I am crossing a shaky bridge ready to give way at any step. Yet if I make it, things will be good....So I persevere....sometimes angrily, sometimes resignedly.

trying

don't fall on me....

buy the sky, and sell the sky, and lift your arms up to the sky, and ask the sky and tell the sky...don't fall on me....

--REM

I am so drawn to the beauty of the lyric. The anguish I hear in the music draws me in so deeply. I wonder how in their depressed state with their lyrics they create beauty. These lyrics have been my background, my soundtrack....don't fall on me. I struggle to create, when all I want to do is sit in bed and read fantasy, because reality has become so oppressive. I push myself, and my music stays at my side, holding my hand, guiding me, leading me. I am thankful...

Am in the middle of a show and will add these two. Really having fun with the collage. The pink one is a redo, just went breezily at it and she came to be. Wish I could always be that way....

In the Green

I need to touch this up. The hands look sunburned. There needs to be more contrast. Getting there....

Thoughts....

Which thoughts, huh?? I am staying away from beginning with watercolor crayons and use them only for light touches in the end. Hair is always my nemisis. I covered most of hers up here. A little busy but I just love movement in a picture.

Iris

struggle, struggle, struggle, but I do like her face. I stopped going straight in with caran de arch watercolor crayons. Her face is almost entirely acrylic titan buff, aliz crim, raw sienna. I just don't know what to do with the composition sometimes....going to stay away from caran de arche to start and just get a good acrylic base down for skin tone....

Bluesy

Had fun with this one too. I think my next one will have pink hair. I just love to work this way--I like the theme.

Bored

How a woman this beautiful can be bored--I don't know. She came together with lots of layers. The likeness is of my niece. This is in the big journal.

Find Your Garden

I pulled away from faces because I just felt so redundant, but it's just a signature for me--I don't know. I don't even sign my work, in my mind if it's a face it's mine. That's how weird I'm getting. But this was such a mess originally. I started with markers, then went to water solubles/caran de arche, then acrylic then collage then titan white. A mess and back, but a fun ride.

Red Romance

dipping my toe into journal collage, not as happy with this one. I do like the face--of course, but I'm trying to break out of what's safe. Too much black, too much contrast. Will try another.

The Rapture of Color

Leaving portraits is scary for me, but I will never grow as an artist if I stay in my little safe place of what I'm used to. I just don't have that sense of symmetry or the abandonment that goes with winging it or working intuitively. I'm weird....for an artist....But gosh I'm trying....

still working on it

I am working on a lot of things including this self-sort of-portrait. I kind of get Frida Kahlo now. I do spend a lot of time alone, and who do I paint but myself....this is in a journal-- smaller moleskine.

Annie in Tulips

Repeating on a theme. Trying, still, to stay loose and painterly. Like collaging the tulips in. These are a print of a watercolor I did two years ago.
This is my big new moleskine--so I might consider framing this one. Just played started out a mess, but evolved. Trust the process. Art makes me realize that I don't trust easily, especially when it comes to my own ability.

Trying...

Still struggling with career issues. Trying to embrace the cactus as gingerly as possible. Steel doors and unanswered calls, will have to make my way.
Awakening, could there be new possibilities...??

warm days

A hot fourth of July and many edits. Went tight again, had to prove something. Covered it up with a loose cheat technique, and I love it. I love the warmth of the colors alizarian crimson over, quinacradone gold....say that twice!! But truly I love the suggestion, the looseness of it. When will I ever lean--I'm so tight.

first page of a two page journal spread. wanted to simplify image and work on text. I kind of like it. I think I'll do a red page tomorrow:)

know this...she is listening

second page staying loose.

journal entry daysleeper

Going way looser, liking it more again. Love this song, whether it was waking up with babies, sick children and now hormones, or it'sjust the fact that I am a perpetual insomniac, I will always be a daysleeper. Something about being a daysleeper makes you feel endlessly out of pace with the rest of the world. Bleary-eyed, slow processing, "i'm sorry what did you say?" kind of person. I am she, or is it her, no sleep last night....

I carry you in my heart journal page

Loved this technique. Actually started a new page and left the old page to mess with later. I love this poem, and the painting is of Annie again but so loose and fun. Collaged in some ranger ink stamped papers. I really like this method of painting. I think I'm going to try it in my bigger journal tomorrow.
Kind of a bluesy day. I haven't been feeling well and work issues still weigh heavily on my mind even though it's been over a week since I left. I keep obsessing over September. But, I do have an interview with another school tomorrow. Yay...I think I am growing as an artist. I just wish I didn't work so much in isolation. It's fun to bounce ideas off people. I've joined a couple of journaling online groups.

journal page

I'm going to try and film this technique for portraits and post it. If any of my FB friends are interested it's easy and fun to art journal. Let me finish the page and we'll see if I can't post a quick video of the technique. It's really enjoyable :)