Trying...

Still struggling with career issues. Trying to embrace the cactus as gingerly as possible. Steel doors and unanswered calls, will have to make my way.
Awakening, could there be new possibilities...??

warm days

A hot fourth of July and many edits. Went tight again, had to prove something. Covered it up with a loose cheat technique, and I love it. I love the warmth of the colors alizarian crimson over, quinacradone gold....say that twice!! But truly I love the suggestion, the looseness of it. When will I ever lean--I'm so tight.

first page of a two page journal spread. wanted to simplify image and work on text. I kind of like it. I think I'll do a red page tomorrow:)

know this...she is listening

second page staying loose.

journal entry daysleeper

Going way looser, liking it more again. Love this song, whether it was waking up with babies, sick children and now hormones, or it'sjust the fact that I am a perpetual insomniac, I will always be a daysleeper. Something about being a daysleeper makes you feel endlessly out of pace with the rest of the world. Bleary-eyed, slow processing, "i'm sorry what did you say?" kind of person. I am she, or is it her, no sleep last night....

I carry you in my heart journal page

Loved this technique. Actually started a new page and left the old page to mess with later. I love this poem, and the painting is of Annie again but so loose and fun. Collaged in some ranger ink stamped papers. I really like this method of painting. I think I'm going to try it in my bigger journal tomorrow.
Kind of a bluesy day. I haven't been feeling well and work issues still weigh heavily on my mind even though it's been over a week since I left. I keep obsessing over September. But, I do have an interview with another school tomorrow. Yay...I think I am growing as an artist. I just wish I didn't work so much in isolation. It's fun to bounce ideas off people. I've joined a couple of journaling online groups.

journal page

I'm going to try and film this technique for portraits and post it. If any of my FB friends are interested it's easy and fun to art journal. Let me finish the page and we'll see if I can't post a quick video of the technique. It's really enjoyable :)

Annie my girl

I must say that I'm happy with the way her eyes came out. Although there are times I look at this and think she looks a little like Wilma Flintstone. But then again Wilma never looked as good as my Annie. Want to journal tonight. I just wanted to get a portrait done first, so hopefully I will do a page in one of my journals. I've joined some online groups and I'm just in awe of some people's work. I think I've accepted my "style." I always overdue the eyes just a bit. I have large eyes and I think we tend to look for ourselves in our subjects--I don't know. I like the limited color palette, it's just simpler. I have to thank Pam Carriker for that. I'm not constantly trying to incorporate different color schemes in and just overdoing something.

Struggle

Wanted to upload second page but my computer is being quirky again. All spun up with anxiety today. Finally made myself sit down and finish this journal page, listened to music and anxiety abated. I don't know why I fought painting all day today, I was tired, then I convinced myself I'd rather read. Gotta fight the beast any way I can. Music and art are the best therapy for me.

self-portrait

This is me, part muse, part fantasy. Doing some more journal pages. It's more play and less precision. Sometimes you need a break. Art can be a harsh mistress. Sometimes I'd rather retreat to my books and ignore her demands...

Hold Strong

Ladies and Gentlemen: my muse. Or did you not guess this yet? I don't know why but she's in everyone of my pictures. I love portraits. She's a little me, a lot my daughter and a little I don't quite know who. At least she doesn't look so angry this time. I have to stop making my eyebrows like Cruella DeVille's. Got a great big new moleskine today. Very excited. I also finished a really fun book, which makes me sad. I want to find another one.

Red and Ready/topo

I will be happy when my bigger journal comes tomorrow. This woman looks like topo gigo

still wary

Pam Carriker class/my stuff. First thought...you could do better. I am documenting when I am just mean....to myself. I don't like meanness. Even when it's directed towards me.
Acrylic, colored pencil on watercolor journal. Titan buff skin tone base, payne's grey, burnt umber and raw sienna and sepia water color crayon for shadows. Penciled the eyes--still struggle with the eyes with paint. The irises in particular are tough. Pencil lets me get in there and play with light, and I love an eye with green in it. I need to do this with paint-- want to transfer journal to canvas.....occasionally....Canvas means sale, sale means to create what mass market want, what mass market wants is not necessarily what I want to create.

Still smarting over some issues....jeez, can you tell?

seminal moment

No art work--just angst. Today for one of few times in my life, I stood up to a person in power, made my anger and feelings known, and didn't hold back. I can count the times I've done this in my life literally on one hand.

In October I will be fifty.

It's been a long time and a lot of years of taking crap and walking away. I was nervous, but I did it.
And guess what, the bully backed down. Every time she came at me. I swung( not literally) right back. And she finally shut up.

Now, I may have sabotaged my career, but I no longer live in fear. I have proven myself as someone to be reckoned with.....finally. It's been a long time coming, but I did it. And I can do it again.
Don't get me wrong--I hate fighting with people. I like quiet, nice play. I'm ok, you're ok atmosphere. But perhaps for the second half of my life, I can start worrying less about what people think of me, and more about what I think of them.

If I can do this, after being raised by two domineering, opinionated parents, and siblings, anyone can. And maybe in my art, I can start having a little more fun, and stop worrying about if my work is "right".

Anger

very angry and frustrated today, and both my girls reflect it. Not really finished need to work up some better text.

Annie

cropped this one, I like tight angles. No text. Caran de arche maybe a little too much. I'm starting to get interested in Degas' dancers. I love the dramatic shadows he used with his dancers-- cool and dark.

Pull inward, up and out

got knocked down at work, again. working on finding a way, my way. I will follow my art and see where it takes me. Family and this is what's keeping me together right now.

all that you dream....really

This started as an absolute mess. Sketched, then went in heavy with caran de arch II water soluble crayons. Kept having to neutralize skin tone, warm it up(reds) then add touches of cool color blues. I don't think I'd start so harsh next time, but overall effect was good. I like it, but it was a process.

Puzzlement over life's ups and downs...."just what is true? What else can you do? Keep your eyes on the road that's ahead of you...." I guess don't dwell. Dwelling on things keeps you down, even when you've "been down, but not like this before, can't be 'round this kind of show no more..."

Move forward with your life.

Dream it....Live it

re-work, but lots of fun. loved working with this angle and just layering and playing with the paint. Gave it a dreamy quality.

Begin again

"...so we cheated and we lied and we tested,

and we never failed to fail,

it was the easiest thing to do.

You will survive being

bested..."

-CSNY

Moving on, moving forward.

Liking the watercolors in the journal...the portraits have a more ethereal quality. Love these lyrics, words to live by. I like the white pen, am freer with writing when it's not so bold.