MADusa

Oil bar on canvas primed with grounding medium, used some brushes and paddles. Totally screwed one up before this, learn, learn, learn. Don't give up.

Mighty Meg

Oil bar on watercolor paper. Struggle too much tack. Want to try a subrate that I can scrape off but will not becompletely without absorbtion. Straight canvas no good too slippery. Getting closer with these sticks but they're still tough to work with. Little brush gets detail, But complexion gets muddied. Started with underlay of blending stick, flesh tone and white to where areas are raised. Added in shadows, lot of scraping back and forth. Tough, but want to learn. Stubborn.

oil bar portrait

oil sticks are tricky. But they are fun, but the right surface makes all the difference I think. She was kind of a quick sketch, but I had fun with it.

New Blog

Hey friends, fellow artists and bloggers. I'm starting a new one It's called Mistakes not Withstanding. www.mistakesnotwithstanding.blogspot.com. Check it out if you get a chance.

I'll paint tomorrow I hope...

Typically, I hate rain.

It makes the sky look like an iron shell threatening to crash down on me at any moment.
It also makes my wavy hair frizz in a profoundly unflattering manner. In darker moments, I wonder if God isn't weeping.

Yes, it can get that gloomy sometimes.

But there was good rain. And I'm not talking about the rain that the terminally cheerful among us proclaim "yes, but we need it, think of the crops!" I live in a fairly urban area--there are no crops that I can rally, and even if there were, the eco-system does not need me to cheer it on. It's far bigger than I, and one of the very few things I will stubbornly admit is out of my control.

But, I remember warm summer rain from when I was a kid. When as a child one could go out and run in it, let it soak your skin, and yes laugh. I remember the beauty of watching the water collect and braid down sewer drains, the iridescent rainbows made from gasoline leaks on the roads. The joyful splash of a gigantic puddle. We greeted the rain with a joyful, lusty response, we met it head on, and challenged it.

So maybe it isn't just the rain. It's our learned mature, adult fear and aversion to it. As adults we cower from it. Hide beneath our umbrellas, run from our cars to shelter as quickly as possible.

We would certainly not linger in it, let it fall on our face, or leap like a half crazed lunatic into a giant puddle.

In my case, any and all observers of this behavior would simply nod in a collective affirmation of a long presumed opinion: "She is just odd."

But what would they really see-- defiance, a pursuit of joy, and wonder?

And would I be brave enough to be that odd, to find that long lost kid who just didn't care. Instead of the adult who has long since put away notions of embracing happiness wherever and whenever one finds it.

Even if it's just warm, soft drops of water on one's face.

still....trying....

that's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Trying to keep up with you, and I don't know if I can do it.

Oh no, I've said too much, I haven't said enough.--REM

What can I say they speak to me....especially lately....I cannot verbalize the feeling of estrangement from life as I knew it sometimes. I feel that I am crossing a shaky bridge ready to give way at any step. Yet if I make it, things will be good....So I persevere....sometimes angrily, sometimes resignedly.

trying

don't fall on me....

buy the sky, and sell the sky, and lift your arms up to the sky, and ask the sky and tell the sky...don't fall on me....

--REM

I am so drawn to the beauty of the lyric. The anguish I hear in the music draws me in so deeply. I wonder how in their depressed state with their lyrics they create beauty. These lyrics have been my background, my soundtrack....don't fall on me. I struggle to create, when all I want to do is sit in bed and read fantasy, because reality has become so oppressive. I push myself, and my music stays at my side, holding my hand, guiding me, leading me. I am thankful...

Am in the middle of a show and will add these two. Really having fun with the collage. The pink one is a redo, just went breezily at it and she came to be. Wish I could always be that way....

In the Green

I need to touch this up. The hands look sunburned. There needs to be more contrast. Getting there....

Thoughts....

Which thoughts, huh?? I am staying away from beginning with watercolor crayons and use them only for light touches in the end. Hair is always my nemisis. I covered most of hers up here. A little busy but I just love movement in a picture.

Iris

struggle, struggle, struggle, but I do like her face. I stopped going straight in with caran de arch watercolor crayons. Her face is almost entirely acrylic titan buff, aliz crim, raw sienna. I just don't know what to do with the composition sometimes....going to stay away from caran de arche to start and just get a good acrylic base down for skin tone....

Bluesy

Had fun with this one too. I think my next one will have pink hair. I just love to work this way--I like the theme.

Bored

How a woman this beautiful can be bored--I don't know. She came together with lots of layers. The likeness is of my niece. This is in the big journal.

Find Your Garden

I pulled away from faces because I just felt so redundant, but it's just a signature for me--I don't know. I don't even sign my work, in my mind if it's a face it's mine. That's how weird I'm getting. But this was such a mess originally. I started with markers, then went to water solubles/caran de arche, then acrylic then collage then titan white. A mess and back, but a fun ride.

Red Romance

dipping my toe into journal collage, not as happy with this one. I do like the face--of course, but I'm trying to break out of what's safe. Too much black, too much contrast. Will try another.

The Rapture of Color

Leaving portraits is scary for me, but I will never grow as an artist if I stay in my little safe place of what I'm used to. I just don't have that sense of symmetry or the abandonment that goes with winging it or working intuitively. I'm weird....for an artist....But gosh I'm trying....

still working on it

I am working on a lot of things including this self-sort of-portrait. I kind of get Frida Kahlo now. I do spend a lot of time alone, and who do I paint but myself....this is in a journal-- smaller moleskine.

Annie in Tulips

Repeating on a theme. Trying, still, to stay loose and painterly. Like collaging the tulips in. These are a print of a watercolor I did two years ago.
This is my big new moleskine--so I might consider framing this one. Just played started out a mess, but evolved. Trust the process. Art makes me realize that I don't trust easily, especially when it comes to my own ability.

Trying...

Still struggling with career issues. Trying to embrace the cactus as gingerly as possible. Steel doors and unanswered calls, will have to make my way.
Awakening, could there be new possibilities...??

warm days

A hot fourth of July and many edits. Went tight again, had to prove something. Covered it up with a loose cheat technique, and I love it. I love the warmth of the colors alizarian crimson over, quinacradone gold....say that twice!! But truly I love the suggestion, the looseness of it. When will I ever lean--I'm so tight.

first page of a two page journal spread. wanted to simplify image and work on text. I kind of like it. I think I'll do a red page tomorrow:)

know this...she is listening

second page staying loose.

journal entry daysleeper

Going way looser, liking it more again. Love this song, whether it was waking up with babies, sick children and now hormones, or it'sjust the fact that I am a perpetual insomniac, I will always be a daysleeper. Something about being a daysleeper makes you feel endlessly out of pace with the rest of the world. Bleary-eyed, slow processing, "i'm sorry what did you say?" kind of person. I am she, or is it her, no sleep last night....

I carry you in my heart journal page

Loved this technique. Actually started a new page and left the old page to mess with later. I love this poem, and the painting is of Annie again but so loose and fun. Collaged in some ranger ink stamped papers. I really like this method of painting. I think I'm going to try it in my bigger journal tomorrow.
Kind of a bluesy day. I haven't been feeling well and work issues still weigh heavily on my mind even though it's been over a week since I left. I keep obsessing over September. But, I do have an interview with another school tomorrow. Yay...I think I am growing as an artist. I just wish I didn't work so much in isolation. It's fun to bounce ideas off people. I've joined a couple of journaling online groups.

journal page

I'm going to try and film this technique for portraits and post it. If any of my FB friends are interested it's easy and fun to art journal. Let me finish the page and we'll see if I can't post a quick video of the technique. It's really enjoyable :)

Annie my girl

I must say that I'm happy with the way her eyes came out. Although there are times I look at this and think she looks a little like Wilma Flintstone. But then again Wilma never looked as good as my Annie. Want to journal tonight. I just wanted to get a portrait done first, so hopefully I will do a page in one of my journals. I've joined some online groups and I'm just in awe of some people's work. I think I've accepted my "style." I always overdue the eyes just a bit. I have large eyes and I think we tend to look for ourselves in our subjects--I don't know. I like the limited color palette, it's just simpler. I have to thank Pam Carriker for that. I'm not constantly trying to incorporate different color schemes in and just overdoing something.

Struggle

Wanted to upload second page but my computer is being quirky again. All spun up with anxiety today. Finally made myself sit down and finish this journal page, listened to music and anxiety abated. I don't know why I fought painting all day today, I was tired, then I convinced myself I'd rather read. Gotta fight the beast any way I can. Music and art are the best therapy for me.

self-portrait

This is me, part muse, part fantasy. Doing some more journal pages. It's more play and less precision. Sometimes you need a break. Art can be a harsh mistress. Sometimes I'd rather retreat to my books and ignore her demands...

Hold Strong

Ladies and Gentlemen: my muse. Or did you not guess this yet? I don't know why but she's in everyone of my pictures. I love portraits. She's a little me, a lot my daughter and a little I don't quite know who. At least she doesn't look so angry this time. I have to stop making my eyebrows like Cruella DeVille's. Got a great big new moleskine today. Very excited. I also finished a really fun book, which makes me sad. I want to find another one.

Red and Ready/topo

I will be happy when my bigger journal comes tomorrow. This woman looks like topo gigo

still wary

Pam Carriker class/my stuff. First thought...you could do better. I am documenting when I am just mean....to myself. I don't like meanness. Even when it's directed towards me.
Acrylic, colored pencil on watercolor journal. Titan buff skin tone base, payne's grey, burnt umber and raw sienna and sepia water color crayon for shadows. Penciled the eyes--still struggle with the eyes with paint. The irises in particular are tough. Pencil lets me get in there and play with light, and I love an eye with green in it. I need to do this with paint-- want to transfer journal to canvas.....occasionally....Canvas means sale, sale means to create what mass market want, what mass market wants is not necessarily what I want to create.

Still smarting over some issues....jeez, can you tell?

seminal moment

No art work--just angst. Today for one of few times in my life, I stood up to a person in power, made my anger and feelings known, and didn't hold back. I can count the times I've done this in my life literally on one hand.

In October I will be fifty.

It's been a long time and a lot of years of taking crap and walking away. I was nervous, but I did it.
And guess what, the bully backed down. Every time she came at me. I swung( not literally) right back. And she finally shut up.

Now, I may have sabotaged my career, but I no longer live in fear. I have proven myself as someone to be reckoned with.....finally. It's been a long time coming, but I did it. And I can do it again.
Don't get me wrong--I hate fighting with people. I like quiet, nice play. I'm ok, you're ok atmosphere. But perhaps for the second half of my life, I can start worrying less about what people think of me, and more about what I think of them.

If I can do this, after being raised by two domineering, opinionated parents, and siblings, anyone can. And maybe in my art, I can start having a little more fun, and stop worrying about if my work is "right".

Anger

very angry and frustrated today, and both my girls reflect it. Not really finished need to work up some better text.

Annie

cropped this one, I like tight angles. No text. Caran de arche maybe a little too much. I'm starting to get interested in Degas' dancers. I love the dramatic shadows he used with his dancers-- cool and dark.

Pull inward, up and out

got knocked down at work, again. working on finding a way, my way. I will follow my art and see where it takes me. Family and this is what's keeping me together right now.

all that you dream....really

This started as an absolute mess. Sketched, then went in heavy with caran de arch II water soluble crayons. Kept having to neutralize skin tone, warm it up(reds) then add touches of cool color blues. I don't think I'd start so harsh next time, but overall effect was good. I like it, but it was a process.

Puzzlement over life's ups and downs...."just what is true? What else can you do? Keep your eyes on the road that's ahead of you...." I guess don't dwell. Dwelling on things keeps you down, even when you've "been down, but not like this before, can't be 'round this kind of show no more..."

Move forward with your life.

Dream it....Live it

re-work, but lots of fun. loved working with this angle and just layering and playing with the paint. Gave it a dreamy quality.

Begin again

"...so we cheated and we lied and we tested,

and we never failed to fail,

it was the easiest thing to do.

You will survive being

bested..."

-CSNY

Moving on, moving forward.

Liking the watercolors in the journal...the portraits have a more ethereal quality. Love these lyrics, words to live by. I like the white pen, am freer with writing when it's not so bold.

journal entries watercolor mixed media

I strayed from watercolor but have come back.
Love the ethereal quality of my girls, watercolor has such great mood.
Guess what? Done with school. Will paint, work and read.

Bring it:)!!!!

new journal entries angling faces

It makes me happy, back to the faces and journal.

Honor what you know to be true

Struggled with this one. I made the background too dark initially and it overpowered the 10x10 canvas. Ended up going over it with watered down white gesso. Then I used cerulean went up and down the value/tint scale worked it monochromatically and stamped into it.

I'm happy with it now. I have to laugh-- wrote a serious blog about myself and posted it on the wrong blog. To make matters worse it was about artistic intellect and sensibility and my personal experience. I have to laugh--I just have to....:)

Keep Looking

I shouldn't say this but she is all wrong, but I like her anyway. This is a little canvas--only 5x7 but I wanted to pull in the face really tight. I've been doing a ton of journal work but no canvas work. I have serious winter funk and getting myself beyond the journal and sketchbook seems to take enormous energy.
Creativity ebbs and flows, and mine seems to have frozen some. But I've been reading on my kindle which is such fun. My latest book is "The Help" which is wonderful. Lot of recommendations, but I get leery of books that are widely read and receive great critical acclaim. I tend to be disappointed. But The Help is right up there with Water for Elephants. Worth every bit of praise it gets.

In Between the Grays

In our grayest, most difficult times our love and our passion and our charity get us through.

Hearts are sentimental, and some may find them trite; but I love them. The symbol of the heart grounds me. It reminds me everyday of how important love is, and how meaningless my life would be without it.

WIP

Working in the shades of gray still. Normally I'm such a color girl, but I'm really enjoying this. My neck hurts from leaning over my journal so much!!

Into the Blues

I always come back to my journal. Took an on line "shades of gray"
course with Pam Carriker--I would highly recommend. The journal, the journal, the journal...it just rocks!!

Warmer Dayz

Oh, to be somewhere warm and breezy....

Being Creative....

It just comes naturally, right? No. You are, or you aren't. I don't think so. I'm just not artistic, yet how many times have you seen someone be so creative in their lives, but they don't recognize it as creativity?

The only truisms that I subscribe to is that everyone is creative, because it's part of being human. It simply manifests itself in different ways. Being tactful, for example, requires a huge amount of creativity, but people who are tactful and yes, kind, are not recognized as artistic. Maybe they need to start wearing black berets and drinking copious amounts of coffee or wine. Or adopt a holy than thou attitude?

I'm a teacher, the other day I had to tie a fourth grader's shoe discreetly in a cafeteria full of his peers. This had to be done quickly and covertly so as not to embarrass the child. How many times have you done this type of thing in your life, and then come home from work and berated yourself because you didn't finish a painting? Recognize your creative energies in everyday life, and give yourself a pat on the back!

Waiting

Okay, I am happy with this one. I kind of went back to the beginning. Colored pencil on paper, glued to wood, then clear gesso, went back over the eyes again with colored pencil, then found my caran de arche water soluble crayons (yay!!!!) used them, and finally used acrylic for the background. I think the clear gesso gives the second round of colored pencil some tooth, and the water crayons really work better with shading. I will probably collage a little and then seal. Oh and almost forgot...little lighter on the lips--looks more natural.

And another Kandinsky inspired journal entry. I don't know what it is about this time of year but I do lean towards the abstract in the winter months. Don't understand why--maybe all this time inside creates introspection--liked pulling out the watercolors, though!!